the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
