"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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