The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize