if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
wow bdsm is so cute
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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