Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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