is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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