i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize