I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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