I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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