What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
