No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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