my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night