Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.