If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.