yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pop tarts are not kleenex
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?