Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.