just come out here and I will go home with you...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle