There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize