i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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