I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
