And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
