He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
