It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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