Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
