just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
