mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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