you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car