I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.