I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?