Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.