Texts From Last Night

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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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  (361): Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture?? http://tfl.nu/iimu
  Replies (11) Good night (5535) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You guys are open that late?

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  (703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t
  Replies (17) Good night (839) Bad night (3803)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

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  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
  Replies (37) Good night (8703) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me

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  (773): im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me http://tfl.nu/r5gz
  Replies (14) Good night (750) Bad night (4394) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.

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  (845): She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle. http://tfl.nu/du41
  Replies (25) Good night (4973) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

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  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7854) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?

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  (443): i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single? http://tfl.nu/navn
  Replies (35) Good night (6771) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

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  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10826) Bad night (1157)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

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  (773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln
  Replies (8) Good night (1099) Bad night (2655) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.

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  (614): There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss. http://tfl.nu/zse5
  Replies (4) Good night (422) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (3058) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon

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  (480): Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon http://tfl.nu/8tqm
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.

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  (202): I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it. http://tfl.nu/il0a
  Replies (12) Good night (1017) Bad night (441)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea

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  (907): Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea http://tfl.nu/9w6p
  Replies (6) Good night (204) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.

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  (509): Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option. http://tfl.nu/ikne
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt

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