They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit