Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.