we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.