help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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