I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion