bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground