Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"