We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
