I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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