the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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