there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
