it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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