You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
