I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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