Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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