that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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