On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos