I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills