Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
