what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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