you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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