Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
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