watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
