the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's never too late to be topless.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
