Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
