Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
