the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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