Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
