mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
