My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
