i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
