There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Church boner. Awkwardddd
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
