just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
