I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
